Interstate Commerce

It was a straight shot down I-95 on a Friday afternoon mid-June... What could go right? DC traffic, check! Summer downpour bringing cars to a halt, check! The Jam Van so packed with sweet, spreadable bacon that two 6'+ dudes have just enough leg room for Tyrion Lannister, check! Heat, check! Anything else? Oh, we are talking about I-95, so... construction, check!!!

We were prepared. Plenty of snacks, hydration, good tunes, and the knowledge that bringing the bacon jam truth to the good folk of Richmond, VA, kept me and my co-pilot, Skittles, in the right state of mind.

Somewhere south of DC, we were driving at a steady 30 mph in some of the aforementioned construction traffic. A car pulls up on our passenger side with two young ladies within. "Can we get a Bacon Jam T-Shirt?" They ask in shrill synchrony. I should mention that there is a mannequin with a hot pink bacon jams tee in our back window. Skittles yells back over the humming of hundreds of idling cars combined with giant idling construction machines, "What size?" "Medium," the girl in the passenger seat yells across. As Skittles dives into the back of the car to snag a tee, I yell over, "$15 ladies." The driver trying to haggle, as the passenger starts to rummage through her purse, "What!? You’re gonna charge us?" "Yup $15," I snap. "It's not like this happens to you everyday," the driver retorts.

I think back to all the times people have pulled up and started asking about The Bacon Jams. By this time, Skittles is back in his seat... pink tee in hand. "Actually this kind of thing happens all the time."

Traffic starts to clear up and our two cars are separated due to my desire to be a better driver than a salesman. "That sucks," Skittles lamented. "We're not losing that sale, bro," I respond. A few miles down the road, traffic gets congested again and we are back to a leisurely 10 mph.

This time the girls are coming up on our left. "15 right?" The girl in the passenger seat asked, as they got close. I gave her the thumbs up. Traffic stopped, but they were half car length behind us. Home girl opens the car door as traffic starts to move again, "No no no stay in the car, are you crazy. You can't run around on 95," I yell as images of the horrible headlines involving bacon jam, traffic jam, and girl jammed by a Mac truck.

After keeping it close a little longer, we finally got to a standstill in traffic where we were directly across from each other. "My boyfriend is going to be so excited, he loves the bacon jams!" the girl in the passenger seat exclaimed as she leaned out of the car with some cash. My intrepid copilot tossed the bundled tee out of our window and into theirs as she handed me the cash.

Best transaction of the weekend!

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